I was binge watching a tv series recently, and there was a scene, between two women- friends!
They haven’t seen each other for a while and the one said to the other: You look so good! Everything about you- she exclaimed, ‘your dress is gorgeous, and you really just look so good!
The one on the receiving end of this wonderful compliment replied and said: It’s just armour! And smiled softly.
What a beautiful scene between two people not afraid to show each other their vulnerabilities. I know it’s tv and a script, but I will always wish that for real lif – real honest interactions as appose to masks and pretense!
This got me thinking and it took me back to a similar moment in my life.
I have always and absolutely loved beautiful clothes. I’m not sure where it comes from. Am I just that person?
I could most definitely argue that, yes! I have an eye for beautiful things. I see the beauty in everything, so much so that my daughter sometimes has to tell me No! not that lol!
I look at the beauty of the fabric, be it plain or print, I look at the style, the detail of the stitching, or the buttons, or a carefully placed frill. How the colour compliments my skin, or even how it feels on my skin.
If the outfit is made up of many layers, I am fascinated by the challenge of putting each layer together to complete the entire ensemble. Then of course it does not even end there. There are so many accessories to choose from, be it jewelry or a handbag -and don’t even get me started on the shoes!
It is not even just in the boldness of a stunning occasional dress, but equally in the simplicity of the jeans and t-shirt or a simple sun dress.
For me, every time you dress yourself, you tell people about yourself without using words
This love of beautiful things extends to so many things- to everything really! I think of my love for fresh flowers…
But for this post, lets stick to clothes.
I think everybody should focus on inner beauty – Paloma Faith
So yes, for the most part I always just thought- I love beautiful clothes!
Until that one day, when I myself felt particularly vulnerable and someone paid me a compliment on something I was wearing…
And for the first time in my life- from nowhere, meaning I have never before given it much thought- I replied: thank you, but it is just armour!
Boy! Did I feel that! -in that moment!
What I didn’t realize then was, that I was just embarking on the journey of healing my inner child- and tbh at that point I didn’t even really know what that was- or what that meant!
But I thought about where that realization came from
So, could it be that somewhere along the line, maybe in my childhood (okay, let’s be real, everything happens in childhood) I came to the conclusion that I needed to dress up or do more to fit in? or to even be acknowledged as a worthy player on the field?
Was dressing up the one thing I could do to make me feel like there’s something similar between me and the other girls that were just automatically given the permission to see themselves as more than me?
And of course, the flip side was definitely that I see myself as less than- like I was lacking something somehow…
Oh wow! It is actually so clear to see how clothes could become the band aid to cover that deep wound.
Or the armour to protect that vulnerability
Because, while I could not do anything about having the right kind off hair, I could wear beautiful clothes- and the ‘magic’ of the beautiful clothes could make me feel beautiful as well. At least for as long as I was in them.
It is crazy how worthiness is always at the core of our wounding.
I really do believe that inner beauty is so muh more than any outer layer – Rachele Brooks Smith
Yes, I grew up with many other girl children around me, even though I, myself have no sisters. According to the standards of the society we grew up in, they were told that because they look a certain way, they are more valuable than girls that didn’t. and can I be clear here! It was not about them being prettier or smarter or exceptional in any way – In this case it was just because they have ‘good hair’- and I didn’t!
My own mother expected me to know and understand that- and God bless her soul! I am not upset or resentful. How can I be? How do I know what was impressed upon her child mind? Clearly it was much of this very same thing- how else could she pass it along? Or what else did she have to pass along?
How can I have anything other than compassion toward her?
When I look back at me as a child, I remember what a ‘blank canvas’ I was. I was so open to learning. My mind was fertile ground, ready to be impressed upon. Unfortunately for the most part, it was not life affirming wisdom that was imparted.
This is why they say (they are- one of the many spiritual teachers I’ve read before- I forget who )
There’s a special kind of hell for those with authority over others, like Teachers, like parents and so on- that use that platform destructively.
In other words, in a negative way, to break down instead of buildup, or even nothing- not leaning in either direction, positive or negative. I say this, not because I want to contradict myself after saying I do not resent my mother, I say it because it’s worth noting that people still do that, to this day!
It is also important to note that in any given situation we often just do the best that we can- be it right or wrong. We can only do better once we know better.
This is deep for a Fashion blog post, I know!
But I really hope it makes you think.
I’m on the other side of my healing now, not that you ever reach a finish line I think, but I can honestly say…
Hahahaha! That makes me laugh! I can honestly say….
It sounds like me on stage as a beauty pageant contestant a long time ago…
But I can honestly say, my healing journey took me to the deepest darkest depths of me – reduced me to an infant, allowed me to relive (very painful) and forgive (with love and understanding) that situation. Fall in love with the me, warts and all- and understand that my worth was always to be found inside of myself.
A new foundation was laid.
One where you understand everything you are – is on the inside of you.
Our worthiness is not tied to anything outside of us. If you cannot believe that, you will always think that you need something on the outside to feel whole- and this is so subtle, that you don’t even realize it.
So now, when I’m out in my beautiful dress – it’s just that!
A beautiful dress worn by an already beautiful me! And even more importantly – a whole me!
My outfit of the day -now becomes almost background noise when I’m outside.
I noticed this recently, while out, a young lady complimented me and said you look so nice today- I said thank you – but for just a split second I had to take a quick look to remember what I was wearing.
In that moment I knew! Maybe at some point in my life it was armour – but now it really is just clothing.
And at the end of the day when I take it off, what an amazing thing it is to know that I am still and will forever be worthy, beautiful and whole!
No longer do I shop for armour – just Fashion!
Xo
