Love and marriage! Add the babies and then begins the frantic juggling

I recently met a young woman. Married with young children (not even in real school yet)

As I watched her move and go about her day, there was something so familiar about her- just something that reminded me of myself, back when I had young children and a full-time job.

Wow! That was a time!

So, looking at this young lady and being reminded of a very busy time in my life- and I know it’s the same for so many women. I started to think back to that time.

Married with young children and you have a full-time job, it is a lot!

You have to be there for everyone- and you have to show up to work, you have to cook and clean or at least delegate but still be in control of everything. You have family and friends outside of your home that makes demands on your time and attention. In other words, you must make time to be social too.

You have to co-ordinate everything- and I do mean everything, you even have to give your husband his marching orders as well.

I have to get to work on time, but before then, I must groom myself, then the kids, make sure they have everything they might need for the day (of course you have to start the night before)

School uniforms, lunches, after care clothes, sport clothes and whatever else classes they might have that day, if there’s transport to arrange, to make sure that everyone is clear on the instructions.

Are there any projects due, is it photo day? When is the next bake sale? When is there an event at School that I must attend?

PTA? Sports? A Concert? Speech and Awards evening (or daytime if they’re younger)

Did I check and sign the homework book? Were there any notes?

Am I sure I didn’t miss anything! Because heaven forbid you miss something – it feels like an epic fail and suddenly all that you do is forgotten. It’s mostly your own Mom guilt I might add.

Okay! Phew!

Be there for others – but never leave yourself behind – Dodinsky

So, we can leave now- and I can drop them off at School. There I find so many other women just like myself, running that very same race- we can only afford one another a fleeting glance.

and when you finally get back in the car- alone, to go to work- and start a whole other set of duties for the day.

You think…

For now- just for a moment, I’m alone and I can just hear my own thoughts again

Wrong!

Now, you start thinking of what the workday looks like- and you kinda have to think about it then because once you get there it’s actually just go go go! I have always worked in a very deadline driven field.

I really must do all the things on my to do list, because staying late is not an option.

After care closes at 5, so I must be there by then. Then I need a few things from Pick n Pay.

When we get home, I must start Supper, make sure that everything that went to School this morning has been returned home – we do not need any surprises that we are not prepared for.

I could never decide what’s worse morning or evening.

Because now I’m making Supper, checking homework and singing books, and managing bath time all at once. Sometimes I would realize I haven’t even taken my shoes off yet. I could only leave my bag on the dining room table as I entered the house.

And my husband worked shifts back then and let’s say he is at work, and he only comes after ten- when everything is done and everyone is asleep and the house is finally quiet.

And this goes on for years, every single day.

I remember myself back then – I had no time!

I was always busy, always on my way from something and on to the next thing.

I of course took care of myself also- always looked like I had it all together. You make time for personal grooming; you make time for your hair. Just so that you can believe, I’m fine! I can manage all of this – no problem!

But when you have to be everything to/ for everyone else, it does take it’s tole!

Eventually!

To give somebody your time is the biggest gift you can give – Franka Potente

I find that, no time, means so much more than it implies

It means, I have no time for compassion, I have no time to listen, I have no time for stories that take forever to get to the point- because my to do list is endless, you hardly have time for you husband

You become disconnected! From yourself as well.

And it depends on how long you let this go on to determine the extent of the disconnection

Looking back now, I can kick myself! I now wonder why I let my husband off the hook so much. Why I took so much upon myself!

And he actually helped around the house, but now I think not nearly enough!

I don’t know if it’s the case for others, but for me I look back and I think, while my husband helped around the house, I basically only let him help with the things I trusted him with.

What is that!

He is an adult! Just like me!

Am I just a control freak?

Or do we let them get away with not pulling their weight?

Or are we just programmed with gender assigned duties? I wonder!

Our kids are grown now, but most definitely reached the point where I had to say enough is enough.

If I’m cooking, you’re cleaning up. I had to say there’s no rule that says you can’t take the kids to their dentist appointment. I had to say, you can make them lunch, so that I know you can feed them when I’m not around.

I had to say; we both have full time jobs, so we will have to check and see which events I can go to and which you can go to.

I guess what moved me to write this was watching this young lady go about her day and I thought to myself, her children are not even in school yet, so now would be the time to reexamine your relationship really.

This is the time to have a conversation with your husband to make sure he understands that you are both responsible for the well-being of the family

That you have to share the responsibility – equally!

And what’s good for the goose is really just good for the gander!

And that loading the one person while the other one is relaxed is just a recipe for disaster and big-time resentment later